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Rain by ~sleepstudent101:iconsleepstudent101:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Horror & Macabre > Fixed


Rain


Did I hear first Rain drops as they fell,
Drizzling with exhaust fume smell?
Do I crouch down below in damn?
Did I shake like The Wolf's first lamb?

Invariably, invariably
I know they fall and fell to smother me.
Inferno was Death's own decree.  
I know they were my last sight to see.

Each tear shaped sprawling.
Each one falling.
Each drop a flame of light.
Each one, a show of might!

When differing views will not both be living,
The Rain will not be forgiving.
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Submitted: April 26
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Author's Comments

+++++Please tell me what you think the metaphor is about. I'm veery interested in knowing what you think it is. There are no wrong answers in poetry (if you can support them. but you don't have to support your thoughts, here if you don't want to+++++

It's not meant to be a some deep, overly dramatic, profound poem. I just had an idea cause it started raining, made the first could of lines of rhyming in my head, and started typing. I'm not trying to lie, as if I could possibly identify with the child I wrote about. It's just a poem restating that war sucks.

In fact, this poem lacks coherence or logical flow of story or plot. Why'd ya read it!? XD jk

If you think you might not see every single metaphor or bit of the poem or just have general questions, send my a note. I'd be happy to answer any questions. If you find it offensive, please politely inform me.



:iconebonyvaru: thanks to my friend ebonyvaru for correcting some grammar issues and lookin into some of the poem's syntactical questions.
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~Harlequinny:iconHarlequinny: Apr 26, 2008, 7:56:39 PM
I think the rain was a phallic symbol.







No, in a more serious note: From what little I've read of your poetry, this actually seems like a big step in a new direction of writing. I actually found it appealing to read because of the mental path it seemed to take, so it had good flow. The rhyme scheme gave it good rhythm, and I especially loved the juxtaposition of something gentle like rain with the exhaust and Wolf. The only things I'd care to point out are the occasional cramped line, and that the ending could've been a little stronger, though the two-line difference really did do a lot to make it stand out. Great job!

--
"I don't want to live-- I want to love first, and live incidentally."

Zelda Fitzgerald
~valleytripper:iconvalleytripper: Apr 26, 2008, 9:50:09 PM
well though its not a deep poem i still like it. :)

--
~Hil~

My heart is a puzzle I'm still missing a few pieces. :(
~ebonyvaru:iconebonyvaru: Apr 26, 2008, 10:08:59 PM
I like it, but there were some grammar issues. (My friends call me a grammar nazi, lol.) THere was soem verb confusion, missing articles and some missing punctuation, such as a periods. I would recomend taking out the second 'invariably'; the word already has heavy meanign by itself and doesn't really need too much emphasis. I would also be careful about pauses; remeber a comma is a pause in the reading.
Well, I'll stop before I get too carried away, lol. Seriously, I do like this. : P

--
Ni YingGai Pa TiaWu De Gui!!! : O
~hopefullullaby:iconhopefullullaby: Apr 27, 2008, 8:04:48 AM
I am not one for advanced critique, so I will not even take note of the "Advanced Critique Encouraged" note you have there. =OP

I like it. :)
Don't ask why, I don't know.

--
♪♫♥♫♪
~sleepstudent101:iconsleepstudent101: Apr 27, 2008, 10:37:48 AM
oh You don't haave to give advanced critique, I just wanted to see how much others would see.

--
"Floatin' in the summer sky. . .
99 Red Balloons go by"
~sleepstudent101:iconsleepstudent101: Apr 27, 2008, 10:45:40 AM
no it's cool. I made some grammar changes. But repeating invariably was not only to further emphasis the meaning, but to keep the meter. As a percussionist and AP Eng. I think that meter definitely keeps the flow. I learned in AP Psych that humans are most distracted or bothered by loud, randomly timed sounds. So the child in the poem would be a petrified veteran of a bomb raid with it's invariably timed bombings.
but thanks for the advanced critique! I like that you gave me a good look at the grammar of the poem, which most people won't be looking at, probably. It made me rethink some bits of the poem and edit it. You'll be credited.

--
"Floatin' in the summer sky. . .
99 Red Balloons go by"
~hopefullullaby:iconhopefullullaby: Apr 27, 2008, 10:47:16 AM
Good, because obviously, I didn't. =OP

--
♪♫♥♫♪
~sleepstudent101:iconsleepstudent101: Apr 27, 2008, 10:47:39 AM
ahah XD that's cool, too.

--
"Floatin' in the summer sky. . .
99 Red Balloons go by"
~sleepstudent101:iconsleepstudent101: Apr 27, 2008, 10:51:02 AM
ahah maybe you don't get the metaphor. .Not trying to beat up on you or be offensive. But it's pretty damn deep. I'm in one of the U.S.'s best english programs and in one of it's hardest AP english courses. What do you think this poem is about?

--
"Floatin' in the summer sky. . .
99 Red Balloons go by"
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